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What am I supposed to do?

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How am I supposed to continue this thing, when everything around me, in this workplace seems like demoting me for some reasons I do not know. How am I supposed to excel in this workforce when they are degrading me? How am I supposed to love my work when some people doesn’t like my presence here and are guilty of hypocrisy? What am I supposed to do? A million dollar worth question that I find very, very hard to look for an answer.



I know that there is something wrong from the very first day I set a foot in this place. I know that the atmosphere on that very same day is kind of heavy and weary, but I ignored it, I ignored my instincts saying “run as fast as you can” for there is this huge disaster which will bound to happen. I ignore all of it because I was clouded with the emotions I felt on that day. Why? Do I have to feel this way? I feel like I am so useless and unworthy for this thing. Why do they have to do this to me? To us? Is it because of the “no pain, no gain” kind of thing? Don’t you think is it too much? Is it too much to ask to be treated right? Yes, they have this sweet smiles on their faces, but what about beyond that sweet smiles they give to you? Where dramas, insults, and demotion lies.

In the first months that I am here, working with them, I thought that I would be okay here. I thought this will be the workplace suited for me. But I was wrong. As the days pass by, the true colors of their personality become dominant. First I just hear some whispers of them gossiping to whoever they intend to ruin one’s reputation. And then, days pass, the whispers they make suddenly become louder and louder that you will actually hear what they are talking about. At first, I just ignore it, trying to console myself that it is just a part of a “global workforce” if that’s what they call it. But, while it lasts, it become worst. Why? I keep asking myself what I did, for them to treat me, us, like this. Why are they acting like a stupid teenager gossiping about people’s lives, ruining their reputation and dignity? I am working with a bunch of professionals with a high level of educational attainment, but it feels like they lack of professionalism and have an attitude problems.

I experience those things every day, and every day, I am so stressed trying to figure out on how to handle this dilemma, I try all the things that I could to just simply ignore them. But it came to the point that I got tired. And then one morning, I woke up realizing that I am not happy with what I am doing right now. I am dissatisfied with what I do. What should I do? I keep on rationalizing things, trying to look on the brighter side of it, but what am I supposed to do, if I’m sick and tired of it? Somehow, I want to end this dramas and hypocrisy, I want to quit, and have a peace of mind, but how? When I know that I needed this job badly? I wanted to cry out loud, shout at them, and tell them to treat people right. But how?


Oh, God, please give me enough strength to endure this searing pain, and this fiery humiliation. 
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